All of us have heard this advice sometime or the other.
“Be confident . Then success will follow “, and all of us agree to this.
But what is confidence?
What is this magical ingredient that everyone covets?
Confidence is about knowing yourself, who you are, why you are here, and what you want to do.
Confidence is all about believing in yourself. You have confidence in other people because you trust them and can depend on them. The same goes for yourself. If you trust yourself, your ideas and your abilities, then you have confidence.
A common misconception is that a lot of people think that being confident means being outspoken or egocentric. Actually the reverse is true - The egocentric loudmouth is usually much less confident than they let on.
In truth, the most confident people are usually the ones who are quietly happy with themselves and their lives. They have their own ideas and plans, and happily go about them at their own pace. The more confidence you build the more peace of mind you gain.
Having confidence makes it so much easier for you to get what you want from your life. It means you can improve your relationships, increase your career and financial success and have a much more fulfilling, interesting life. People who are confident know themselves, are clear on what they stand for and what they are doing with their lives.
Our level of confidence and self-esteem also sets the 'level' for how we live our lives. We cannot live above or below our own beliefs about ourselves. This is especially true for confidence, as our fears can often hold us back. And the best way to overcome fears is to work on your confidence.
Where does it come from?
From early childhood, those people closest to us shape our beliefs. Our personal foundations are built like the framework of a house. After a time, they begin to form the basis for our personality and eventually our adult personality is created. Our beliefs, confidence and life path are often set within the first five years of our lives.
Unfortunately, every child is not given an equal set of encouraging, confidence-building beliefs. Many of us are told that being confident is bad, and that only 'ego-maniacs' have high opinions of themselves. Fortunately there are several powerful ways to move past this type of thinking and build our confidence.
What are the best ways to develop your confidence?
In one of my previous blog post, I have talked about 10 ways to boost your self confidence Click to Read Post.
Anyone can improve his or her confidence. And contrary to what most people believe, it has little to do with the external parts of our lives, such as relationships, career choices, success or anything else. The journey to build your confidence starts from the inside out.
- Set Goals : This is probably the easiest thing you can do to help yourself. You write a big list of things you’d like in your life, and then pick a few to work towards right now. Keep the list with you, and keep working on the list until you have reached your goals. Then go back to the big list and choose some more goals.
- Be clear on your values : Each of us must stand for something on our lives, and it's important that we know what it is. This is not an easy task to do, but it's certainly worthwhile. Take the time to think about what you want your life to be about and write down some values. Words like integrity, freedom, contribution, courtesy and success are excellent places to start. The key to making your values work for you is that you must make them your own. Don’t just choose the values your parents or partner have. Always make them your own and resolve to live by them as much as you can.
- What do you want ? : The third way to build confidence is to make a habit of asking for what you want. The old principle 'ask and ye shall receive' is still alive and true today. If you truly desire something in your life, then go ahead and ask for it. The truly confident person is able to ask people for whatever they want or need. They are willing to risk people saying no to them, because they have a sense of inner calm that goes beyond the events of the day.
- Do not take things personally : Taking negative remarks or events as a personal attack is a reason why so many people are unhappy. Once you stop believing that the world is out to annoy or disappoint you, things become a lot easier to cope with. Next time someone or something happens to you that makes you feel angry or anxious, remember to stop taking it personally and replace the feeling with humour.
- Trust your choice: We all have a great capacity for thought and to make choices. A winning trait of a confident person is that they believe in their own ideas and are willing to follow through on them. If you are continually seeking approval from other people, you won?t get very far. If you are in the habit of always seeking an opinion or asking for approval (even without saying it directly), then resolve to stop doing it.
The Upward Spiral
The best thing about building your confidence is that it causes the principle of 'reciprocal causation'.
This means that doing the things that create confidence actually make it easier to do more confidence building activities. In essence, you begin to create an upward spiral.
Bad habits are easy to form and hard to live with; good habits are hard to form but easy to live with. Building confidence is a good habit that you must develop. As it continues to build you'll find it easier and easier to live with.
By choosing one of the above activities and following through on it, you will cause reciprocal causation to kick in. Soon your confidence will enable you to try more and more confidence building activities.
Eventually you will see your life, love and world transform, as you become a truly confident person.
Just do it !